went out with my closest grp of frenz today, the guy's bday...... can be more fun if i din go after a tiring fyp discussion..... brain seems dead.....

all 3 of them had brought their steads along, so the no. is 7 loh..... haiz.... got me xtra one.... went ktv, eat, then sat down to talk talk......

haiz..... tired... am so tired


2:33 AM

As u r walking along this long road together with a fren, til u came to a junction, where u turn left and she turns right........ and then as the both of u continues ur own journey, each get to know another fren or frenz....... as time goes, both of u stops turning back to look at each other, both looks forward, both forgotten abt the first long road that they had taken ages ago......

then one day, the current fren u cherished suddenly vanished..... ur world collaspe..... u tot everybody ard u had turned ard against u, u tot no one cares..... u get angry, depressed, starts to destroy everything in ur way....... but god knows, the world is round, the fren that walks the long way with u is actually back on the same track in the same direction as u, but u were blinded by all hatred, self-centering.......

u tot there's nobody else tat cares anymore, but there is, beside u, u tot u r alone, but no, she's beside u....... true fren never leaves, they might get lost for awhile, but they have magic..... when u fall, they appear to help u up, when u need a support, they appear to give u a push, when ur heat breaks, they appear to piece it back together...... true frenz.......

so when u fell or hurt, turn around, u might just find the pillar in ur life a feet away......


1:37 AM

this month is a real drat for me..... f***

spent so much $..........

suay things happens...... argh :<


8:22 PM

around one or two months back, i rem i was still swearing and cursing my fyp teacher-in-charge....... but now things have changed! haha instead of hating this idiot for stressing us in our proj, i actually hold quite a high respect for him.... he really have lots of experience in alot of things tat we have not seen or even heard of.... well as the saying goes: jiang hai shi lao de la (old ginger are more spicy than the young ones)..... lol

i found out tat life is much more than wat i see or experiencing now.... it is all depending on one's willingness to choose to live what kind of life..... if one refuse to accept any changes, or refuse to move tat heavy butt off from the location he/she is currently at, he/she will only keep looking back at the beautiful times once experienced, and sighing tat his/her current life is terrible.....

hmmm this world is so big.... there's still so many things to see, to hear, to experience...... being depress will not help in getting ur life btr in anyway man.........


10:39 PM

everything in life has 2 or more sides, even every human being out there has not only one side of character..... some people that u've seen is just one side of their character, be it real or fake, he/she is not wat u might think he/she really is...... one moment is so close, so good, so mature, so understanding, once u turn ard, u might just got stabbed hard without realising it......

human r such complicated animals, no wonder psychologist or psychiatrist needs lots n lots of studying...... no wonder adults seeing child being trusty towards anyone in the world, will say they r childish..... guess adults really has seen alot, gone throu alot and that's y there's this conclusion. If one only chooses to stick to their own believes, refusing, keeping themselves enclosed behind their own think wall, refusing to tune to the outside world, u r considered childish...... coz u don't noe how to protect urself, coz u dono how to tune and make use of outside world to change the situation in favour to urself......

truth always hurt the most...... all this is ugly, somehow... we r not in paradise, no such thing as pure white, pure clean...... only people who knows how to tune themselves to this kind of stuffs in the world succeeds..... only people who balance their own principles while striving in the society can be called "gd" person..... but "gd" person hardly succeeds....... only the rich in this world can make their reputation gd, a poor with gd reputation will not be bothered by others....... so do u wan to be rich n successful or some poor people who stubbornly always think watever they do is correct?


12:52 AM

believe it? u r not seeing a real lady here....... hmmm shd i feel envious or stunned?


8:36 PM

continue......


Wind
====

Because I like a gal called leaf. Because she's so dependent on tree so I have to be a gust wind. A wind that will blow her away. When I first met her, it was 1 mth after I transfer to the new school. I saw a petite person looking at my seniors & me playing soccer. During ECA time, she will always be sitting there. Be it alone or with her friends looking at him. When he talks with gals there's jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her, there's a smile in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit. Just like she likes to look at him.

One day, she didn't appear. I felt something amissed. I can't explain the feeling except it's a kind of uneasiness. The senior was also not there as well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scolding her. Tears were in her eyes while he left. The next day, I saw her at her usual place, looking at him. I walked over and smiled to her. Took out a note & gave to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled & accept the note. The
next day, she appeared & pass me a note and left.

Leaf's heart is too heavy and wind couldn't blow her away

It's not that leaf heart is too heavy. It because leaf never want to leave tree

I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me & accept my presents & phone calls. I know that the person she loves is not me. But I have this perseverance that one day I will make her like me. Within 4 mths, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times. Every time, she will divert away from the topic. But I never give up. If I decide I want her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win her over. I can't remember how many times I have declared my love to her. Although I know she will try to divert but I still bear a small ray of hope. Hoping that she will agree to me my girlfriend. I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone. I asked "what are you doing? How come you didn't want to reply?" She said, "I'm nodding my head". "Ah?" I couldn't believe my ears. "I'm nodding my head" She replied loudly. I hang up the phone, quickly changed and took a taxi and rush to her place & press her door bell. During the moment when she opens the door. I hugged her tightly.

Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay

(the end.....)


i lk this story.... guess it has somehow or other tell a similar story in some of our lives..... be it a guy or a gal's situation, guess we do have this type of regrets in our life... Whenever u don't know whether to accept or go after some one in ur life, think abt this: will u regret if u let him/her go? If the ans is yes, don't let go..... at least there will be no regrets in ur life, at least u will not say: wat if we had been together, wat if....... This is just wat i think in life..................


2:03 PM

continue.....


Leaf
===

During Pre-U days, I like to collect leaves. Why? Because I felt that for a leaf to leave the tree she has been relying on for so long it takes a lot of courage. During the 3 years of Pre-U I was on very close terms with a guy. Not BGR kind but as buddy kind. But when he had his 1st girlfriend, I learnt a feeling I never should have learnt - Jealousy. The sourness in the heart can't be describe by using a lemon. It's like 100 rotten sour lemon. Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 mths. When they broke up, I hide my strong sense of happiness. But after a mth, he got together with another gal.

I like him & I know he like me. But why won't he pursue me? Since he love me why he doesn't want to make the first move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would hurt. Time after time, my heart was hurt. I begin to suspect that this is a one sided love. If he don't like he, why does he treat me so well. It's beyond what you will normally do for a friend. Liking a person is very heart wrenching. I can know his likes, his habits. But his feelings towards me I can never figure out. You can't expect me a gal to ask him right?

Despite that, I still want to be by his side. Care for him, accompany him, love him. Hoping that one fine day, he will come & love me. It's like waiting for his phone call every night, wanting him to send me sms. I know that no matter how busy he is, he will make time for me. Because of this, I waited for him.
The 3 years were the hardest to go through & I really want to give up. Sometimes, I wonder should I continue waiting. The pain and hurt, the dilemma accompany me for 3 years.

Till the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year junior begins to go after me.
Everyday, he pursuit me relentlessly. From outright rejection to a point in time when I felt that I'm willing to let him have a small footing in my heart. He's
like a warm & gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the tree. In the end, I realized that I didn't want to give this wind a small footing in my heart. I
know this wind will bring this badly battered leave far away & better land.

Finally I left tree, but the tree only smile & didn't ask me to stay. Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay

(to be continued........)

I really love the verse "Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay".
If you fall for somebody don't pretend that it didn't matter. Love is something that you can't afford to have mind games.
Quickly tell your love, you love him/her so.


2:07 PM

took this from an email sent from my fren, tot it is v touching n meaningful.....


Tree
===

The reason I'm called tree is because I'm good at painting trees. Overtime I start to use a tree on the right hand corner as a trademark for all my watercolors painting. I have dated 5 gals when I was in Pre-U.
There's one gal who I love a lot but never dare go after her. She doesn't have a pretty face, doesn't have a good figure, doesn't have outstanding charm. She is just a very ordinary gal.

I like her. I really like her. Like her innocent, like her frankness. Like her cuteness, like her intelligence and her fragility. Reason for not going after her is because I felt somebody so ordinary like her is not a good match for me. I'm also afraid that after we are together all the good feelings will vanish. I'm also afraid other's gossips will hurt her. I felt that if she's my gal, she will be mine ultimately & I don't have to give up everything just for her. The last reason, made her accompany me for 3 years. She watch me chase after gals, and I have make her heart cry for 3 years.

She wants to be a good actress and I'm a very demanding director. When I kissed my 2nd girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smile & say "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes was swollen like a walnut. I purposely didn't want to think about what causes her to cry but laugh at her the whole day. When everybody go back home, she was alone crying in the classroom. She didn't know that I returned from soccer training to get something. I watch her cry for an hour or so.

My 4th girlfriend didn't like her. There was once when both of them quarreled. I know that based on her character she's not the type that will start off the quarrel. But I still sided with my girlfriend. I shouted at her and her eyes was filled shocked. I didn't care about her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she still laugh & joke with me like nothing has ever happened. I know that she's very hurt but she didn't know that my heart ache is as bad as hers.

When I broke up with my 5th girlfriend, I asked her out. After going out for a day, I told her that I have something to tell her. She told me that coincidentally, she has something to tell me too. I told her about my break up and she told me about her getting together. I know whose the guy. He has been going after her for quite a while. A very cute guy full of energy, lively and interesting. His pursuit for her has been the talk of the school.

I can't show her my heart ache but could only smile & congratulate her. When I reach home, the heart ache is so strong that I can't stand it. It's like a heavy weighted stone on my chest. I couldn't breath. Wanted to shout but can't. Tears rolled down & I broke down & cry. How many times have I seen her cry for the man that doesn't acknowledge her presence too.

During graduation, I read a sms in my hp. It was send 10 days ago when I broke down and cry. I haven't read it since then. It says "Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay"

(to be continued....)

I really love the verse "Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay".
If you fall for somebody don't pretend that it didn't matter. Love is something that you can't afford to have mind games.
Quickly tell your love, you love him/her so.



3:54 PM